IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

‏Employers should give their staff at least 4 weeks' holiday every year to make them perform better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Jobs have become an indispensable part
in
Change preposition
of
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 people's lives. There is a frequently discussed issue of whether giving employees one month's holiday every year
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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or
Correct word choice
apply
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whether
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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poses some risks. I firmly believe that allowing
workers
Use synonyms
 to take
break
Correct article usage
a break
show examples
 has health and
overall
Linking Words
 well-being benefits.
This
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 essay will explore
this
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 phenomenon in more detail, supported by relevant examples.
To begin
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, critics contend that giving long holidays to
workers
Use synonyms
 has been linked to reduced economic growth as the government
afford
Correct subject-verb agreement
affords
show examples
 salaries to them without working. According report by UNESCO, most countries which allow employers to give long holidays to
workers
Use synonyms
 are suffering from a lack of budget.
Consequently
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,
this
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 might affect the financial stability of communities.
On the other hand
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, there is a growing preference among the population for taking a four-week break. They think it has undeniable benefits, especially health improvement.
For example
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, a study conducted by Glasgow University illustrates that 90% of labourers enjoy reducing stress and depression when they are allowed to take a break.
Thus
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, it stimulates a sense of comfort and a balance between
warks
Use the right word
work
show examples
 and families.
Furthermore
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, the outcomes of a week's holiday are not limited only to individuals but
also
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 have a profound impact on the countries.
While
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 providing a month's break, the
workers
Use synonyms
 can definitely work more efficiently.
For instance
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, an American Educational Association survey indicated that holiday contributes to
enhancing
Verb problem
apply
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improving productivity.
As a result
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, it may increase the motivation of people to work. In conclusion,
although
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 taking long breaks could present certain challenges, I strongly agree that it is crucial for health and social improvements. By fostering a safe and comfortable environment,
workers
Use synonyms
contributeto
Correct your spelling
contribute to
 a thriving economy. The government plays a pivotal role in encouraging the manager to offer a break.

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Task development
State a clear and direct position in the introduction and keep it consistent through all paragraphs. Then present two or three main reasons with examples to support your view.
Coherence
Use topic sentences to start each paragraph and ensure each sentence links to the previous one. Use simple linking words to show how ideas are connected.
Evidence
Choose reliable, relevant examples and explain how they back your point. Avoid dubious sources and explain the link between the example and your claim.
Language accuracy
Check spelling and grammar. Fix common errors and use common words (top 100) to improve clarity.
stance
The essay shows a clear stance in favour of longer holidays.
structure
There is a logical structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.
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