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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph shows changes in the sales of musical instruments in the UK from 2008 to the present and gives predictions for future sales. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows changes in the sales of musical instruments in the UK from 2008 to the present and gives predictions for future sales. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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This
Linking Words
 graph depicts the differences between the musical instruments in the United Kingdom
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2008 till now. It is clear from the graph that there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
three features changing which are
streams
Use synonyms
,
downloads
Use synonyms
, and CDs purchased, and it shows a fine percentage of the changes between
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 from 2008 until 2018.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown the
streams
Use synonyms
 and the
downloads
Use synonyms
 started increasing in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2008, but suddenly the
downloads
Use synonyms
went decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
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 after 2014, not as the
streams
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
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 getting higher and higher. There both
sales
Use synonyms
 started going up, the
streams
Use synonyms
 from above
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
0% and the
downloads
Use synonyms
 between 30 to 40 percent.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 the CDs purchased
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
started
Change the form of the verb
starting
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 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher percentage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 with above
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50% but it clearly kept going down to the previous time.
To sum
Linking Words
up
Add a comma
up,
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 we could basically say that both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
streams
Use synonyms
 and
downloads
Use synonyms
 begin
leveling
Change the spelling
levelling
show examples
 up, but the
downloads
Use synonyms
 didn't keep on that track, and the CDs started with a high level of
sales
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 continued
leveling
Change the spelling
levelling
show examples
 down.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words streams, downloads, sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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