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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart shows the main reasons for why agriculture and land become less productive. The table show these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990. Summarize the main feature and make comparisons while relavant.

The pie chart shows the main reasons for why agriculture and land become less productive. The table show these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990. Summarize the main feature and make comparisons while relavant.
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart illustrates the principal reasons for
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 worldwide, and the
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
table shows the causes of
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 by region.
Overall
Linking Words
,
over-gazing
Correct your spelling
over-grazing
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 and
deforestation
Use synonyms
 are the primary reasons for
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 in the world.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the maximum amount of
land
Use synonyms
 is
d`egraded
Correct your spelling
degraded
 in Europe because of
deforestation
Use synonyms
 and
over-gazing
Correct your spelling
over-grazing
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the maximum amount of
degradation
Use synonyms
 happens in Oceania. Over-gazing is the primary cause of
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 in the world, and 35% of over-gazing causes
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 30% of
deforestation
Use synonyms
 and 28% of over-cultivation are responsible for making
land
Use synonyms
 less productive. Only 7% of other reasons are responsible for
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
. The major proportion of
land
Use synonyms
 is degraded in Europe, which is 23% and the primary reason for
degradation
Use synonyms
 is 9.8% of
deforestation
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the highest proportion of
over-gazing
Correct your spelling
over-grazing
show examples
 happens in Oceania which is 11.3%, and it is the principal cause of
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 in that continent.
However
Linking Words
, no over-cultivation is
happning
Correct your spelling
happening
 in Oceania. The lowest amount of
deforestation
Use synonyms
 is
Correct your spelling
happening
happning
Correct your spelling
happening
 in North America, which is only 0.2%

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, moreover".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land, degradation, deforestation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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