IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

These days, more and more people are going to other countries for significants periods of time, either to find a job or to study.there are clearly many benefits to doing this, but people who live abroad can also face some difficulties. Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of living and working in a foreign country.

#people #countries #significants #periods #time #job #study #face #difficulties #country
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Nowadays, many
people
 are moving to other countries
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 find a job or to study.There are both merits and demerits, and I think that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks.
To begin
 with, not all aspects are beneficial for
people
.
Firstly
, they can
conversation
Replace the word
converse
show examples
 with their peer.When they have a job, they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 finish
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
work
 successfully. If they
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 abroad, they cannot
conversation
Wrong verb form
have conversations
show examples
very
Rephrase
as
show examples
 well as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local
people
. It should interrupt their peer when they
work
.
Secondly
,most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 feel homesick.
People
 who
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 abroad feel homesick because their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 are living far from them.So they miss their
families
Change noun form
family's
families'
show examples
 food and
atmosfere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 where they
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
.
However
, there are benefits when they
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 abroad.First of all, they can
experienced
Change the verb form
experience
show examples
 a lot of culture.
For example
, in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 there are
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
people
 so they can learn
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 culture. It could be
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 for making wide sight.
In addition
, they can have working, life, balance when they move
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad.In the case of Korea, many
people
work
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 9 to 6pm but when they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not finish their
work
 they need to
work
 more until they finish their
work
, but
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 countries like Australia they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not
work
 after 4pm, that should be helpful for
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
, life, balance. In
conculsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
people
 can feel homesick when they
moving
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 abroad.
Thus
,moving
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad should be encouraged
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 many
people
 who want new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
.
Submitted by yskim3064 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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