IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that the government has the duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others argue it is the responsibility of each individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #duty #citizens #diet #responsibility
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Having a balanced
diet
 is crucial for people's health. Some part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should be responsible for
healthy
Correct article usage
the healthy
show examples
diet
 of citizens,
whereas
 others oppose and believe each and every individual should take care of
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will shed some light on both of the points of view and express my opinion.  On the one hand,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can take
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 steps for
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 of their
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 citizens. Take,
for instance
, if they can ban all the sodas
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full of sugar or
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 put extra taxes on food which contains artificial sweeteners and Colors .
Moreover
,
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 can make a decision about adding nutritional and healthy
diet
 information subjects into existing curricula in
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 for the awareness
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Add an article
the young
show examples
young
Correct word choice
younger
show examples
 generation.
On the other hand
, every individual should be responsible for their own
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
. There are many ways to maintain
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
, as they can join
gym
Add an article
a gym
the gym
show examples
 and hire
trainer
Add an article
a trainer
show examples
.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Add an article
the trainer
a trainer
show examples
trainer
Fix the agreement mistake
trainers
show examples
 can help them to make a personalized workout and eating plan.
Also
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing
Correct your spelling
going
show examples
 gym
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help them to get into
disciplined
Correct article usage
a disciplined
show examples
 lifestyle.
Additionally
, people should try to be knowledgeable about what they are eating and how it can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their health.  In conclusion, there are no easy
answer
Fix the agreement mistake
answers
show examples
 to
this
 question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe citizens should be responsible for their own
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 by
adapting
Correct your spelling
adopting
show examples
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
Submitted by vaniaulakh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: