IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties having enough sleep What are problems caused by lack of sleep? What can be done about this lack of sleep?

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In the modern era, most
people
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 have an issue with not sleeping at
night
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. There are some problems like continuous use of mobile phone, not doing exercises. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss these points
along with
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solutions
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.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 are really suffering from sleep because of the excessive use of mobile phones.
People
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 are using mobile phones to make calls, chat with friends, gaming, and watch videos, so these tend to take more time for them.
For instance
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, a scientist from the Research World Organization reported a year ago that many
people
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 in our world, use mobile phones at late
night
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, and
then
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 go to their bed, will affects their sleep
as well as
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 minds.
Apart from
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this
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,
people
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 don’t do physical activities like running, jumping, yoga, or outdoor games and
thus
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 it will reflect a sleepless
night
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. There are some
solutions
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 to solve
this
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 sleeping issue permanently.
First,
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the government should give some restrictions to the
people
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 and organize awareness training programs.
Secondly
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,
people
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 do some regular work in their leisure time
such
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 as gym, yoga, and exercises. It will give you a deep sleep every
night
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.
For example
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, my close friend Christy had a sleeping problem once a time before but he recovered very quickly because he scheduled and completed the exercise task every day so he is sleeping now at the earliest.
However
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,
people
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 following these above activities simultaneously
,
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apply
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 can get the result in positive.
To conclude
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, many
people
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 are complaining about late-
night
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 sleeping issues
due to
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 the lack of mobile usage and not demanding physical challenges. There are some
solutions
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 like daily routine work of exercise and following the government training to avoid the mobile phone. So, these are the
solutions
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 for
people
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 to get better sleep.

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task achievement
The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic but could benefit from a more direct thesis statement that clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed. Consider rephrasing for clarity.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, try to develop your ideas further. Some claims could be substantiated with more elaborate explanations or examples. For instance, explaining how physical activity specifically affects sleep quality could enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your points flow logically. Some transitions between sentences could be smoother to enhance reading ease. Using transition words and phrases can help connect ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammatical structures and sentence clarity. For instance, phrases like 'will affects their sleep' should be corrected to 'will affect their sleep.' Proofreading for grammatical accuracy would strengthen the overall quality of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses relevant points about the causes of sleep issues, such as mobile phone usage and lack of physical activity, which are pertinent topics today.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes the main points made in the essay, reinstating the key issues and solutions discussed, which is a good practice in essay writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
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