IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries.

The graph below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with
unemployment
Use synonyms
 aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the
overall
Linking Words
 percentage of
unemployment
Use synonyms
 in those countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can easily notice that in all 5 countries
quantity
Correct article usage
the quantity
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 without
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
highter
Correct your spelling
higher
, than the
overall
Linking Words
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rate. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
given in the graph, Poland has the biggest percentage of unemployed 15-24 years old adults and teenagers, unlike Denmark, which has the lowest proportion
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both categories(
overall
Linking Words
unemployment
Use synonyms
 and specific age group unemployed
people
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,Italy has the biggest difference between
overall
Linking Words
unemployment
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 aged 15-24 without
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
. Fugure is 10 percent, but Germany
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the opposite.
This
Linking Words
 country has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 minor difference between
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two categories.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, unemployment with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: