IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that if an individual behaves in an anti-social manner, such as committing a crime, then society is to blame. What are the causes of anti-social behaviour? Who do you think is responsible?*

#people #manner #crime #society #behaviour
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Crime is a pervasive issue in every nation. Few individuals claim that society is solely responsible for
such
Linking Words
 offensive behaviour.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the causes in detail and will explain why I think that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is to
condemn
Correct pronoun usage
condemn them
show examples
. There are various reasons for
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 offences. First and foremost is the social injustice. In many nations, influential
people
Use synonyms
 meddle with
Use synonyms
justice
Add an article
the justice
show examples
 system and by providing favours, achieve the desired outcomes.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 frame other folks in murders and robberies in order to escape and by using their influence they get away with these situations without any scepticism.
This
Linking Words
 not only
promote
Change the verb form
promotes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inequality, but the suppressed individual
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 more prone to commit crime in the future. Poverty is the other contributing factor.
unemployement
Correct your spelling
Unemployment
 in youths is the major issue in many countries.
People
Use synonyms
 indulge in theft and shoplifting to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their needs. With the rise of inflation,
economic
Add an article
the economic
show examples
 situation of many
citizen
Change to a plural noun
citizens
show examples
 has got worse. These unfavourable circumstances compel them to commit these offences in order to generate income. The responsible authority here
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the government which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 failed to provide fundamental rights. Corruption is the main factor, higher authorities do not focus on providing basic necessities, but with the tax
money
Add a comma
money,
show examples
 they establish their personal
buisiness
Correct your spelling
business
 and buy properties in foreign countries. There is no check and balance against these situations.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Panama
Correct article usage
the Panama
show examples
 case, plenty of government officials were exposed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 money laundering and corruption. The world was startled
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 these accusations and
people
Use synonyms
 were offended that their tax money was misused.
This
Linking Words
 creates a feeling of distrust between the
gvernment
Correct your spelling
government
 and its citizens. In conclusion,by eradicating poverty and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
providing
justice
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 issue can be controlled. The
justice
Use synonyms
 system
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to
authentic
Add a missing verb
be authentic
show examples
 and efficient to provide
justice
Use synonyms
 to every citizen regardless of their social status.
Submitted by georgeanum650 on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the coherence by using linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly. Ensure that each paragraph logically flows into the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and robust, enhancing the overall quality of your task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
You have effectively identified key causes of anti-social behavior, such as social injustice and poverty, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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