Some people think the developments of technology make people's life more complex, so we should make life simpler without using technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technological advancements have had a profound impact on all our aspects of
life
. Some individuals believe that technological inventions
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
made our lives intricate,
leading
Correct word choice
and leading
show examples
simpler
Correct article usage
a simpler
show examples
life
should be the main focus of every person.
This
essay will discuss
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
view
Add an article
a view
the view
show examples
in detail and will explain why I believe that
technology
has made our
life
easier and
comfortable
Correct quantifier usage
more comfortable
show examples
. There are various sectors in which
technology
has made our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
convenient. First and foremost, is the communication field.
Technology
such
as mobile phones,
telephones
Correct word choice
and telephones
show examples
has made communication a lot easier. Messages are
send
Wrong verb form
sent
show examples
and received
with in
Correct your spelling
within
show examples
no time.
Technology
has connected humankind
globaly
Correct your spelling
globally
.
Furthermore
, the biggest invention of
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
centuary
Correct your spelling
century
is the internet. It has made the
world
a global village. People are aware of
world
affairs, weather conditions and other crucial events related to any nation.
Healthcare
Add an article
The healthcare
show examples
sector is no exception, advances in medicines and research have saved millions of lives and will continue to do the same. Healthcare experts have created plenty of vaccines and various
life saving
Add a hyphen
life-saving
show examples
treatments.
For instance
,
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
the
world
pandemic, humanity was on the verge of extinction, but the vaccines saved the lives of
billion
Correct your spelling
billions
show examples
of people around the
world
.
This
not only reduced the spread of that disease
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
provided immunity against future attacks.
Consequently
, with the collaboration of health experts
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
deadly
diease
Correct your spelling
disease
was defeated. In conclusion, some people may find science and
technology
intricate, but it has contributed
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
providing
comfortable
Add an article
a comfortable
show examples
, convenient and healthy lifestyle to
individualds
Correct your spelling
individuals
. In my opinion,
technology
gave
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
us many benefits, healthcare and connectivity
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
no exception, and mankind will need these advancements in the future.
Submitted by georgeanum650 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Be consistent with the use of plural or singular forms (e.g., "technological inventions" should be consistent as "technological advancements" or "a technological invention").
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of linkage words and phrase (e.g., moreover, additionally, similarly). This will strengthen the logical flow of ideas.
Structure
The essay provides a strong introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion neatly.
Task Achievement
You offer relevant examples in the communication and healthcare sectors to support your arguments, adding depth to the task response.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • streamline
  • efficiency
  • healthcare outcomes
  • vast amounts of information
  • educational resources
  • face-to-face interactions
  • social skills
  • excessive
  • distractions
  • productivity
  • cybersecurity threats
  • data privacy issues
  • environmental degradation
  • e-waste
  • energy consumption
  • harmonious lifestyle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: