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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The cart below show the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookkeeper between 1972 and 2012.

#cart #show #percentage #five #kinds #books #bookkeeper
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The three given pie-charts illustrate the proportion of selling
books
Use synonyms
 in five categories:
adult
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fiction
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, children’s
fiction
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, biography, travel and others during forty years. The information is given for the 1972, 1992 and 2012 years, in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, at the beginning of the period
adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
 was the second
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
 kind of
Use synonyms
books
Fix the agreement mistake
book
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 and travel was the least popular one,
while
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
 of
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
adult
Use synonyms
fiction
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 became the most popular and biography was the
last
Linking Words
 in attractiveness. It is evident that
adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
 and children’s
fiction
Use synonyms
 literature were becoming more and more popular throughout the years, in 1972 they made up 20% each,
while
Linking Words
 in 2012 they were 45% and 25% respectively. The percentage of people buying travel
books
Use synonyms
was fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
, in 1972 it was 15%,
then
Linking Words
 these figures grew up
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 18% and significantly went down in 2012 making up 10%. The biography and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 categories were becoming less and less popular. The percentage of people buying other
books
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 dropped from 25% in 1972 to 12% in 2012. The biographies were
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 significance, if in 1992 the percentage
sells
Correct your spelling
sales
show examples
 was 20%, in 1992 it became 5% less and in 2012 it made up only 8%.
Submitted by swetlana4597 on

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task achievement
Provide a clear and concise introduction that states what the essay will discuss, rather than just describing what the charts illustrate.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one to the next.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete and accurate description of the data presented in the charts.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and summarize the overall trends effectively.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant specific examples from the charts to support the main points, enhancing clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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