the chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

the chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the various educational degrees after school in
Astralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
and the number of
men
and
women
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
got them in 1999.
Overall
, what stands out from the chart is that the number of
men
who got a
degree
was higher than
women
exept
Correct your spelling
except
two of them. If we look at the details, at the top of the list for
men
and
totally
Change the word
total
show examples
was
Skilled
Correct article usage
the Skilled
show examples
Vocational
Diploma
with 90%,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
place
for the
men
was Postgraduate
Diploma
with just over Two-thirds of the percentages and
Masters
Correct article usage
a Masters
show examples
Degree
comes
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
next with 60%,
by
contrast
Add the comma(s)
contrast,
show examples
the following
percantages
Correct your spelling
percentages
in two different categories named Bachelor's
degree
and Undergraduate
Diploma
for
men
was not as popular as for
women
with approximately 45% and 35% respectively.
On the other hand
, These two categories
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
the highest percentages for
women
generally, with 70%,
Undergraduate
Correct article usage
The Undergraduate
show examples
Diploma
ranked
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first,
Bachelor's
Correct article usage
the Bachelor's
show examples
Degree
with 50%, was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
place
, and the third
place
in the list was for Masters
degree
with 40%. Next was
Postgraduate
Correct article usage
the Postgraduate
show examples
Diploma
with 30%, and
then
at the
last
place
in the
women
's chart and on the whole was
Skilled
Correct article usage
the Skilled
show examples
Vocational
diploma
with only
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
tenth of the
percantage
Correct your spelling
percentage
.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, degree, diploma, place with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: