IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

a line chart showing a social center in Melbourne.

#line #center #melbourne
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This
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 bar chart illustrates the number of people who participated in 5 ranges of activities in Melbourne from 2000 to 2020.
overall
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, it is evident that all of the activities increased except in terms of drama. by looking closely at the bar chart we can see that tennis was one of the most popular subjects
while
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 Dreama showed a significant decrease among others . In 2000, the number of people who were participating in film clubs began from 67 on the top of others , and
then
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this
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 figure dropped to 60 and again increased until the end of the period. A trend from art somehow had the same approach . it started at 36 and
then
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 declined After that again it increased until the end of the period . For about tennis story was changed . It started by sharply increasing before experiencing a gradual increase and
then
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 it grew until the end period .
Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider using a clearer structure. Introduce your main points collectively, then discuss them individually.
task achievement
Ensure all key details from the chart are covered to present a complete response and avoid misinformation.
task achievement
The essay attempts to describe the overall trends depicted in the bar chart, establishing a base understanding for the reader.
coherence cohesion
There's a recognition of general trends over time, such as activities increasing besides drama.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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