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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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Introduction
the
Capitalize word
The
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 graphic illustrates the development of
Salmon
Use synonyms
fish
Use synonyms
 from an egg throughout their life cycle which is
also
Linking Words
 considered to be a large
fish
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 species.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the adult
Salmon
Use synonyms
fish
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 travel to slow streams upper
river
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 in order to lay eggs in
river
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 reeds under small stones for nearly five to six months before the Flyfish are born, which measure 3-8cm,
then
Linking Words
 they start to travel
to
Change preposition
apply
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fast stream in a deep
river
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 for approximately four years until they grow up to Smolt
fish
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 at 12-15 cm.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 stage of
this
Linking Words
 process is the Smoltfish moving to the open ocean for around five years where it becomes an adult
salmon
Use synonyms
fish
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 which measures nearly 70- 76 cm. Before the process just happened again with these adults
Salmon
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 mated and moved to the slow-moving upper
river
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 to put their eggs under reed plants.
Overall
Linking Words
, the life cycle of
Salmon
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 is a natural operation and contains three cyclical phases, beginning with the laying of eggs and ending with the adult
Salmon
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fish
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.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, fish, river with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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