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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012

The graph shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012
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The chart below illustrates how many
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 played six kinds of sport in an English city in 2012 .
Overall
Linking Words
 , the number of
boys
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
sports
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more than
girls
Use synonyms
 .
Also
Linking Words
 ,
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 difference in these categories is in
football
Use synonyms
 and the least played sport by children is
hockey
Use synonyms
 .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the highest
numbers
Use synonyms
 of
boys
Use synonyms
 preferred
football
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
girls
Use synonyms
 preferred swimming . There are four types of
sports
Use synonyms
 where
boys
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 than
girls
Use synonyms
 . These four
sports
Use synonyms
 are tennis, cycling,
football
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
hockey
Correct word choice
and hockey
show examples
 .
However
Linking Words
 ,
hockey
Use synonyms
 is
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 played sport . Incidentally, among these four
categories
Add a comma
categories,
show examples
 the highest
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
boys
Use synonyms
 played
football
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
 , 50
boys
Use synonyms
 participated in tennis ,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
girls
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 under 40 .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,
difference
Add an article
the difference
show examples
 between them in
hockey
Use synonyms
 was approximately 5 people .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , there are only two kinds of
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as badminton and swimming ,where
girls
Use synonyms
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 more than
boys
Use synonyms
 . In badminton
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
girls
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 50 and the difference between them
exactly
Add a missing verb
is exactly
show examples
 10 .
While
Linking Words
 , in swimming is under 10 .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, furthermore, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, sports, football, hockey, numbers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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