IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
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Many individuals believe that it is essential to invest a vast amount of money
on
Change preposition
in
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 developing advanced railway lines for faster transition between cities.
While
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 other people think the money should be invested
on
Change preposition
in
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 upgrading existing public
transportation
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 essay, I will examine
both
Use synonyms
 perspectives and will provide my views.
To begin
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 with, individuals who
thinks
Change the verb form
think
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 that the government should prioritize
on
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apply
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enhancing new railway for better and faster
travel
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 between urban areas, because many people work from different cities, so they need to
travel
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 faster from one
city
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 to another
due to
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time
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 management, because of
time
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 management they need to transit one
city
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 to another as fast as possible.
For instance
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, workers in "
United
Correct article usage
The United
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 States" had to move from many different
province
Change to a plural noun
provinces
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for
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to
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 work in a particular
city
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,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 often got heavy traffic jams.
Therefore
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, the government created a new railway for their faster and
Correct quantifier usage
more convinient
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convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
transportation
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 system.
On the other hand
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, many
students
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 believe that the government should focus on enhancing existing public transport
,
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apply
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 because
students
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 suffer from unhealthy public
transportation
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 and commonly they arrive late at school.
For example
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,
a
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in a
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city
Use synonyms
 named "Kuro", their
students
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 usually face lots of discomfort
while
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 moving from home to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school. In that
city
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 there
weren't
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wasn't
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 healthy public transport available for comfortable
journey
Fix the agreement mistake
journeys
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 for
students
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.
Hence
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, because of that
reason
Add a comma
reason,
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 many people think that governments should prefer improving existing
transportation
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. In conclusion, it is really essential to have new railways to
travel
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 faster, because it consumes less
time
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 and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 a good amount of
time
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 to attend early in the workplace.
However
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, there is
also
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 a need to enhance existing public transport, because of
ease
Correct article usage
the ease
show examples
 for
students
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 to
travel
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 from home to school. In my opinion,
both
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 views have logic, so governments should focus on
both
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 points of view because
both
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 are essential.
Submitted by AL NURE FOYZUR REZA SUPRIO on

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task achievement
Ensure all examples directly support your arguments. Providing concrete data or more detailed examples could strengthen your points.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas with smooth transitions to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Excellent introduction and conclusion that clearly outline and summarize the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and organization in presenting both viewpoints.
task achievement
Balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, with your own opinion expressed clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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