IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram process illustrates the life cycle of salmon.
Overall
Linking Words
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 a
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 cycle with seven stages which starts with eggs in
fresh water
Correct your spelling
freshwater
show examples
 hatching
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
approximately
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
3 months and the process ends with the appearance of an adult
fish
Use synonyms
, after 2 weeks it will
die
Wrong verb form
dies
show examples
. First of all, the
procees
Correct your spelling
process
 begins
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the emergence of eggs in water, after 3 months they
turned
Wrong verb form
turn
show examples
 into Alevin, for growing up at
this
Linking Words
 phase they
feeds
Wrong verb form
are fed
show examples
 by
youlk-sac
Correct your spelling
yolk-sac
you'll-sac
few
Change preposition
for few
show examples
weeeks
Correct your spelling
weeks
. The third phase of
fish
Use synonyms
 life called Fry they spend 5 to 10 weeks. When
fish
Use synonyms
 turn into Parr it looks bigger and has lines on
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 back.
In addition
Linking Words
, Smolt is a
fish
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 1-3 years old and has more development fins it will group and head out to sea,
then
Linking Words
 it becomes an Adult
fish
Use synonyms
 and spends 1 to 8 years in the sea and it gets even bigger.
At the end
Linking Words
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
last
Linking Words
 stage
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
'
Correct article usage
the 'spawing
show examples
spawing
Correct your spelling
spawning
 adult' after that
fish
Use synonyms
 look like
Add an article
a giant
show examples
giant
Fix the agreement mistake
giants
show examples
 with a hump after the neck, they develop a more
powerfil
Correct your spelling
powerful
 jaw and the
fish
Use synonyms
 dies at
this
Linking Words
 stage after two weeks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words fish with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cycle
  • diagram
  • life cycle
  • main features
  • overview
  • stage
  • salmon
  • comparison
  • differences
  • significant
  • summarize
What to do next:
Look at other essays: