The bar chart below gives the results of a survey in a major company showing the attitudes of two groups of workers to various factors affecting work performance.

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The chart outlines the results of a survey in a big company in terms of employees under 30 and over 45 attitudes towards 6 reasons related to work performance. It is noticeable that the younger population is more dependent on these factors. To start with, the only item where results are the same is team spirit, affecting about 60% of workers.

Additionally

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, there are more factors with almost the same percentages within these two groups.

Although

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a diligent boss is not the primary motivation for older employees, the situation is different with money. People aged 18 to 30 rely on money by less than 1% more than the second recipients, but for the elderly, financial benefits are the main reason for a job.

On the other hand

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, younger individuals are contingent on career prospects, comfortable work environments, and personal development issues far more than the older ones. The differences in these three factors are from 45% to 55%, so youngsters are much more dependent on their job conditions. In conclusion, people from 18 to 30 are not as much as workers from 45 to 60 rely on financial benefits, and results within these peer groups vary drastically. So, younger individuals find some abstract reasons essential for improving their performance metrics, as these percentages prevail

money

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over money

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Submitted by n.chubukina21 on Mon Dec 23 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.

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3
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

215 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

performance metrics
employee satisfaction
work-life balance
job security
recognition and rewards
survey results
attitude differences
workforce demographics
management strategies
company policies
employee engagement
professional development
compensation packages
motivation factors
survey respondents

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The bar chart below gives the results of a survey in a major company showing the attitudes of two groups of workers to various factors affecting work performance.

The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be a leader. Do you agree or disagree?

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education so that they can at least read, write, and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, some families want their child to learn at home instead of learn at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that art, such as paintings and music are a waste of money and and the government should spend this money on pubic service To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of using social media? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.