Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and age together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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There is no denying the fact that some people think
music
Use synonyms
is beneficial to getting
human
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humans
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in various countries and ages close to each other.
While
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it is commonly held belief that other arts may be much better for
cummunication
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communication
, there is
also
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an argument that opposes it. In my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
i
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I
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consider that
music
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actually has many benefits in
this
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topic.
To begin
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with,
music
Use synonyms
is
essinsial
Correct your spelling
essential
for making you
learning
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learn
show examples
a new cultures.
In other words
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, lyrics could
helps
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help
show examples
you to understand many languages in order to know others.
In addition
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,
rythems
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rhythms
can somehow
encurage
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encourage
you to
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be envolve
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envolve
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involved
in many
civilaizations
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civilizations
which
brings
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bring
show examples
men and women side by side.
For example
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, some singers talk about their hometown like Camilia who sang
Havana
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a Havana
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song which you may get
curiuse
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curious
about it and try to do some research to know
few
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a few
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more details about the city or the continent that the singer
have
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has
show examples
sang
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sung
show examples
about it. Another point to consider,
music
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could
gives
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give
show examples
you
Correct article usage
the potentioal
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potentioal
Correct your spelling
potential
of being famous. it is
also
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possible to say that if you are a talented musician people will see you.
Therefore
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, you might have new friendships from
music
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.
For instance
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, Mohammed
abdu
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Abdu
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and Abubaker
salem
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Salem
show examples
they
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apply
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became friends after they
have been
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were
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well known
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well-known
show examples
to many listeners from all over the world. In conclusion, despite
others
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others'
other's
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multiple views,
i
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I
show examples
tend to believe that
music
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
lots of advantages for human beings to be together because it improves your knowledge about other countries,
also
Linking Words
rythems
Correct your spelling
rhythms
could potentially
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
you in making new relationships.
Submitted by omaralshrf2 on

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task achievement
To improve your essay, focus on detailing examples and making them more specific to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly to enhance logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Use varied sentence structures and advanced vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
introduction and conclusion
You have introduced and concluded the essay effectively, providing a clear stance on the topic.
balanced argument
The essay reflects a balanced view of the topic, acknowledging opposing perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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