IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people today believe that the world’s increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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It is a common belief that the global growth of
population
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 is unmaintainable and will result in a global crisis.
However
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, I believe that the world
population
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 rise is necessary and even beneficial as it creates an
increase
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 in the world’s economy and society. On the one hand, some people say an
increase
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 in
population
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 will lead to a global crisis.
Population
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 means significant use of energy and manufacturing.
Thus
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, the country needs to make more factories and energy-making plants, and
this
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 leads to the dramatic use of trash and pollution.
For instance
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, because of the uprising
population
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 in India, there are tons of unrecycled trash in the country.
In addition
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, in the capital Deli, because there is a huge number of factories the air pollution is bad.
Nevertheless
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, increasing the global
population
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 is necessary and
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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beneficial as it creates an
increase
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 in the world’s economy and society. The growing
population
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 was a problem back in the day
,
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apply
show examples
 but recently has become essential for many nations. Unfortunately, the world
population
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 is decreasing. There are lots of reasons, but the increasing number of working women is one of the most significant reasons. So, to maintain the economic and social care, the rise of birth is essential.
For example
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, in Korea, elderly people sustain their lives by social support, which is maintained by taxes from the young generation.
This
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 system will only be sustained if the
population
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 increases in the country. In conclusion,
while
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 is apparent that the
increase
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 in
population
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 will lead us to the global crisis, it is undeniable that increasing the
population
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 is the most important thing to maintain the world’s economy and society these days.

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task achievement
Your essay clearly presents both views and states your opinion. Make sure to provide a bit more depth in the examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Try to enhance the development of your ideas to make your points clearer and more comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally cohesive, but you could use more linking phrases to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize your main idea.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, enhancing the clarity of your points.
task achievement
The essay responds to the prompt by discussing both views and including your opinion.
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