IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Video games are bad for children. Do you agree or disagree? Write a one- sided opinion essay giving reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#video #games #children #one- #support
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Nowadays video
games
Use synonyms
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
populer
Correct your spelling
popular
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.The development of the world
lead
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leads
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some
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to some
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 gap between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 and
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 real
life
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 .In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will put the light on my opinion about
this
Linking Words
 issue . All the development of the world is to provide
a good services
Correct the article-noun agreement
good services
a good service
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 in all sides of the
huminty
Correct your spelling
human
humanity
life
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.Video
games
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is
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are
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 one of the tools had an
entartinment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
affect
Replace the word
effect
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 on the
child
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 so
in my opinion
Add the comma(s)
, in my opinion,
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 its not bad if the
children
Use synonyms
 use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 under the instruction and limit it will help but if the
child
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use
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uses
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 without
had
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 any idea about
thee
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 task they will fill in
mistacke
Correct your spelling
mistake
mistakes
,
for example
Linking Words
 ,the parents should tell there
children
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 about the
time
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 that allowed for them to play so they will know
thier
Correct your spelling
their
there
 is a specific
time
Use synonyms
 to play
games
Use synonyms
 they will be
awear
Correct your spelling
aware
about the limit of the game
time
Use synonyms
 .the
games
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 become bad for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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 when their mother or father never care about who
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
child
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spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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thire
Correct your spelling
their
time
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 so it will cause a big
problim
Correct your spelling
problem
 the
child
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 will
loss
Replace the word
lose
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the
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apply
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time
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 just for
games
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 he will be less
productivity
Replace the word
productive
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and it will cause
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of illnes in the mind of
child
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 .And all
it
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of it
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depiend
Correct your spelling
depends
depend
 on the lifestyle that the family provide for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
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 . In the
concluision
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
every thing
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everything
show examples
 in the
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child
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child's
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life
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to control to monitor the
child
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 in the right direction with out any
problim
Correct your spelling
problem
problems
 the
child
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 will
had
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have
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a
Change the article
the
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 best
life
Use synonyms
 and healthy
relation
Replace the word
relationships
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withe
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 all
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.I think the
games
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 will be bad for the
chilldren
Correct your spelling
children
 if they don't have any
awoarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 about the
games
Use synonyms
 ,but in
the
Change the article
an
show examples
opesist
Correct your spelling
opposit
persist
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 they will be
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the safe side .
Submitted by Loody on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly presents a single idea, supported by examples, to strengthen the logical structure.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points and enhance the relevance of your arguments.
language
Be careful with spelling and grammar to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
You’ve made a good effort in expressing your opinion logically and with structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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