IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graphs show the percentage of household with electrical appliences from 1920 to 2019. SUMAMRIZE MAIN FEATURES AND MAKE COMPARISON WHERE RELAVENT.

The line graphs show the percentage of household with electrical appliences from 1920 to 2019. SUMAMRIZE MAIN FEATURES AND MAKE COMPARISON WHERE RELAVENT.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two given line graphs illustrate the percentage of houses with electrical appliances
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 of housework per
week
Use synonyms
 from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable from the first line chart that the percentage of
Use synonyms
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 with electrical appliances increased over the period.
However
Linking Words
, the weekly
hours
Use synonyms
 of housework experienced a decrease. In 1920, around 1% of
Use synonyms
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 used
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and the percentage increased rapidly to approximately 50%
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1940. In 1940 it experienced another increase and reached around 90%. From 1980, around 100% of
Use synonyms
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 utilized
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
. Meanwhile, in 1920, roughly 30% of
Use synonyms
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 used vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
, and it
also
Linking Words
 increased rapidly by around 100% in 2000. From 2000, 100% of households used vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
. In terms of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
, in 1920, roughly 40% of
Use synonyms
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 used washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
, and it rose to around 70% in 1950
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and slightly declined to approximately 63% in 1980.
However
Linking Words
, it rose to above 70% in 2019. In terms of the
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 of housework, in 1920, approximately 50
hours
Use synonyms
 of work
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 done per
week
Use synonyms
, and in 1960, it declined steadily and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 25
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, it again decreased to around 10
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, week, household with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: