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Writing Samples
Band 5

Chart and Table provide allocation of men and women for the household activites, apart from paid work, in 2008 in the Uk.

Chart and Table provide allocation of men and women for the household activites, apart from paid work, in 2008 in the Uk.
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The chart and table illustrate the distribution of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 engaged in household tasks, excluding paid employment, in the UK during 2008.
According to
Linking Words
 the table,
men
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 watching TV,
Correct word choice
and Video
show examples
Video
Fix the agreement mistake
Videos
show examples
 and listening to the radio than
women
Use synonyms
 (
men
Use synonyms
 spent 137
minutes
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 118
minutes
Use synonyms
 in one
day
Use synonyms
).
This
Linking Words
 means that
men
Use synonyms
 had more rest.
However
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 spent almost the same
time
Use synonyms
 reading books.
Men
Use synonyms
engage
Wrong verb form
engaged
show examples
 in sports 15
minutes
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
day
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 11
minutes
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
day
Use synonyms
, in the UK
2008
Change preposition
in 2008
show examples
. As can be seen in the chart,
women
Use synonyms
 spent more than double the
time
Use synonyms
 cooking and washing than
men
Use synonyms
. (
men
Use synonyms
 spent 30
minutes
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 spent more than 75
minutes
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
).
Men
Use synonyms
 spent 25
minutes
Use synonyms
 shopping and
women
Use synonyms
 35
minutes
Use synonyms
 in a
day
Use synonyms
.
Women
Use synonyms
 spent twice as much
time
Use synonyms
 washing clothes and ironing than
men
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
,
men
Use synonyms
 spent 10
minutes
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 30
minutes
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 spent twice as much
time
Use synonyms
 on repair as
women
Use synonyms
. The chart shows
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
women
Correct word choice
that women
show examples
 spent as much
time
Use synonyms
 on household activities
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 in the UK
2008
Change preposition
in 2008
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, time, minutes, day with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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