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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The bar chart compares the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 employed in five types of work namely
sales
Use synonyms
, accounting, computing, nursing, and farming in 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the chart, that the
sales
Use synonyms
 sector employed a large
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in both years,
while
Linking Words
 the farming sector employed significantly fewer. As the chart shows, in 2001, work in
sales
Use synonyms
 was the most preferable with about 150,000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in the farming sector was the smallest with around 30,000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, employment in computing and nursing had the same percentage with 60,000.And there were approximately 63,000 accounting occupations. In 2008,
sales
Use synonyms
 had the highest employment figures with 160,000 employees.
However
Linking Words
,
to do
Verb problem
apply
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farm activities were the least interested among
people
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 with 20,000.Regarding, employment in accounting and nursing had similar
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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 with approximately 60,000 and 62,000 respectively.When it comes to the
number
Use synonyms
 of computing
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 was 80,000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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