Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much. Do you agree or disagree? What other types of job should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #job

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Part of people think that

entertainers

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such

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as movie

stars

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and singers or sports

stars

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are paid too high. I disagree with

this

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statement

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because what the public sees is just a part of the

effort

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that

entertainers

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put and they

also

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don't have a private life of their own.

Firstly

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, for

entertainers

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what you see of them is not everything they do. They put

effort

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before and behind their stage. For most

entertainers

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, there is preparation or practising time before they get to show themselves or confront the audience.

For instance

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, sports

stars

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exercise and practice for more than 10 years before becoming professionals. And even after they become professionals, they put daily

effort

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into developing their techniques and skills to perform. In Korea, most baseball players start their practice when they are in elementary school so they spend about 9 years before becoming professionals.

Also

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entertainers

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don't have private lives of their own. Everyone wants to know everything about them, and they think it is their right.

As a result

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, for

stars

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, it is hard to have a private life. There are lots of rumours and scandals and that makes

entertainers

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very stressed and depressed.

Thus

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, to endure

this

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kind of problem it seems fair enough to get paid more compared to others.

For example

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, Most Hollywood

stars

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are angry or depressed about being exposed to things that they don't want to share with people. Some even suicide because of the apparatchiks and the bad comments about their personal lives.

This

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phenomenon means that being an entertainer is a very risky job to take. In conclusion, in my opinion,

entertainers

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work enough to get paid big money because they put a lot of

effort

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before the performance, and they have to open their daily lives to citizens.

Submitted by yujinkim412 on Wed Dec 25 2024

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Task Achievement

The essay provides a complete response to the task and includes relevant examples to support the main points. Expand on the suggestions for other professions that should be highly paid, which is part of the task, for a more complete response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally clear and well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Further honing the logical structure by explicitly linking ideas across paragraphs could enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion. Instead, reiterate the main points discussed in the essay.

Task Achievement

The essay presents a solid argument against the statement with clear rationale and examples.

Coherence & Cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, strengthening the overall response.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much. Do you agree or disagree? What other types of job should be highly paid?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The most importaint aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

At present time the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of old people.

People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?