IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
's
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of their rights is rising.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there are many claims for extending weekends and having a shorter working week.
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 opponents
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 perspective. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will analyse both views and express my own opinion. On the one hand, there are those who advocate the idea of having longer weekends. Having more free
days
Use synonyms
 will lead to less pressure during the week and more time to focus on our mental health.
In other words
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of pressure on workers which can
reduce
Wrong verb form
be reduced
show examples
 by having a longer weekend.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 helps employees' mental
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having more spare times mean higher quality time with family and friends which may
also
Linking Words
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to better performance
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, longer weekends can
boosted
Change the verb form
boost
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's energy and cause superior results in their performances.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are others who disagree with having
shorter
Add an article
a shorter
show examples
 working week. They believe that
instead
Linking Words
 of having shorter
work
Use synonyms
 hours, companies should offer more generous benefits like rewards or office parties. More benefits will
furthermore
Linking Words
caused
Change the verb form
cause
be caused
show examples
 job satisfaction and productivity. Another issue is nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 are dealing with lots of
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 problems and cutting their
work
Use synonyms
days
Use synonyms
 means
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 hours and lower incomes, which is not beneficial for
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
 lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my country
people
Use synonyms
 are dealing with high costs of living and reducing their salaries only
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 more poverty.
To conclude
Linking Words
, having
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fewer
work
Use synonyms
days
Use synonyms
 may lead to better performance and mental health of an individual.
While
Linking Words
 it
also
Linking Words
 causes poverty in the societies. Personally, I believe it is not
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to reduce
work
Use synonyms
days
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
 of
it
Add a comma
it,
show examples
 companies should boost their benefits to gain more productive employees.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Make sure your examples are more specific and clearly related to the main points. For instance, specify a particular country or situation when discussing economic issues.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure consistent use of plurals and subject-verb agreement (e.g., "there is a lot of pressure" or "workers' mental health").
Task Achievement
Develop the argument further by providing more comprehensive reasoning and supporting it with more detailed examples.
Introduction and Conclusion Present
The essay has a clear introduction that outlines both sides of the argument, setting a solid foundation for the discussion.
Logical Structure
Well-organized structure with paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint, helping the reader follow the argument.
Supported Main Points
Good attempt to provide examples to support points, such as the impact of economic conditions on workers.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: