many workers may working at home with a modern technology. There are some of people calim that its benefits only for the employers
There are many workers
might
Correct pronoun usage
who might
working
from Wrong verb form
work
the
home online with Correct article usage
apply
a
new technology. There are some groups of human Remove the article
apply
calim
that its advantages only for the workers, rather than Correct your spelling
claim
employers
. I totally disagree with Use synonyms
this
statement because the working Linking Words
aborad
Correct your spelling
abroad
allow
Change the verb form
allows
to
Change preposition
apply
employers
to avoid Use synonyms
counsume
transportation in Correct your spelling
conventional
addtion
to Correct your spelling
addition
decrease
working area stress.
The first Wrong verb form
decreasing
advantages
for Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
employers
an employer
employers
Use synonyms
whom
works from Change the pronoun
who
house
with Add an article
the house
a house
a
modern technology Correct article usage
apply
it
Correct your spelling
is
Correct article usage
the decline
decline
Change the verb form
declines
use
of transportation. When the Add an article
the use
employers
dont's Use synonyms
usage
a car or public Replace the word
use
tarnsportation
every day to go to Correct your spelling
transportation
working
area, that lead to Add an article
the working
decresae
spending Correct your spelling
decrease
decreased
money
for benzene or public Use synonyms
tarnsportation
fees that lead to Correct your spelling
transportation
save
Wrong verb form
saving
money
and Use synonyms
reduce
time Wrong verb form
reducing
consumtion
for Correct your spelling
consumption
consuming
employers
. Use synonyms
For example
, a study conducted at King Linking Words
Abudulaziz
University in Jeddah among Correct your spelling
Abdulaziz
empolyers
working abroad Correct your spelling
employers
employees
with
saving Change preposition
apply
money
the results Use synonyms
has
shown Change the verb form
have
a
significant Remove the article
apply
Use synonyms
money saving
for these people with around 50%.
Add a hyphen
money-saving
Moreover
, the second Linking Words
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
from
working online Change preposition
of
the
Add a missing verb
is the
reduce
of working area pressure. For Replace the word
reduction
employers
Use synonyms
get
a job online and work at home Fix the infinitive
to get
this
Linking Words
is enhance
a comfortable atmosphere Wrong verb form
enhances
to
doing job tasks and Change preposition
for
responsebilities
without any strain and Correct your spelling
responsibilities
strees
which is Correct your spelling
stress
trees
a
very important to Change the article
apply
statisfy
Correct your spelling
satisfy
employers
. Use synonyms
For instance
, in 2010, a survey published in Makkah newspaper regarding Linking Words
employers
Use synonyms
statstification
Correct your spelling
stratification
whom
Change the pronoun
who
working
online Wrong verb form
work
the
results Correct article usage
apply
shown
70% of them Change the form of the verb
showed
statisfy
.
In Correct your spelling
satisfy
conclosion
, today it is crucial to maintain a good environment for Correct your spelling
conclusion
employers
to get Use synonyms
a
Correct article usage
apply
miximum
benefits and Correct your spelling
maximum
minimum
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
form
them. In my opinion, when companies offer some Correct your spelling
from
job
online the benefits for the Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
employers
Use synonyms
outwhight
the drawbacks.Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighed
outweighs
Submitted by khalidhxhd on
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Language
Improve grammatical accuracy. For instance, pay attention to subject-verb agreement: "There are many workers might working from the home..." should be "There are many workers who might be working from home...".
Task Response
Be clearer in expressing your argument. It's somewhat unclear whether you're discussing benefits to employers only, as the points made mostly focus on benefits to workers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more cohesive devices and linking words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have written a clear introduction and conclusion, giving your essay a good structure.
Task Achievement
You have made a good attempt to support your ideas with examples, such as the study from King Abdulaziz University and the survey in Makkah newspaper.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.