IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

many workers may working at home with a modern technology. There are some of people calim that its benefits only for the employers

#workers #home #technology #people #calim #employers
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There are many workers who might work from home online with new technology. There are some groups of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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claim
Correct pronoun usage
who claim
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 that its advantages
only
Add a missing verb
are only
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 for the workers, rather than
employers
Use synonyms
. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
the
Correct article usage
apply
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working abroad allows
employers
Use synonyms
 to avoid conventional
transportation
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
 to decreasing working area stress. The first advantage for an employer who works from the house with modern technology is
Correct article usage
the declines
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declines
Fix the agreement mistake
decline
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 use of
transportation
Use synonyms
. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers
Use synonyms
dont's
Correct your spelling
don't
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 use a car or public
transportation
Use synonyms
 every day to go to the working area, that
lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
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spending
Change preposition
in spending
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 money for benzene or public
transportation
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 fees
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to saving money and reducing time consumption for
employers
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
a
Change preposition
in a
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study conducted at King Abdulaziz University in Jeddah among
employers
Use synonyms
 working abroad saving money the results have shown significant money-saving for these people with around 50%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the second benefit of working online is the reduction of working area pressure. For
employers
Use synonyms
 to get a job online and work at home
this
Linking Words
 enhances a comfortable atmosphere
to
Change preposition
for
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 doing job tasks and responsibilities without any strain and stress which is very important to satisfy
employers
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 2010, a survey published in Makkah newspaper regarding
Use synonyms
employers
Change noun form
employers'
employer's
show examples
satstification
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 who work online results showed
70
Correct word choice
that 70
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% of them
satisfy
Wrong verb form
were satisfied
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. In conclusion, today it is crucial to maintain a good environment for
employers
Use synonyms
 to get maximum benefits and effort from them. In my opinion, when companies offer some jobs online the benefits for the
employers
Use synonyms
 outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by khalidhxhd on

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task achievement
Your thesis statement is clear and aligns well with your arguments, which is key to maintaining a strong task response. However, consider providing a little more background on the issue to answer all aspects of the task more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are of similar length and complexity, enhancing the logical flow of your argument. The transition between ideas is fairly smooth, but could be refined further for optimal clarity and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Work on varied sentence structures to improve readability and maintain the reader's attention throughout the essay. This also helps in better demonstrating your range of language skills.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong and clear introduction and conclusion, which is a significant strength in maintaining the reader's focus and understanding.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to support your points, such as the study from King Abdulaziz University, which helps to strengthen your argument and demonstrate your ability to use evidence effectively.
coherence cohesion
The overall coherence of your arguments is good, with clear links between your main ideas and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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