Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #children #activities #computer #games

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People have many ideas about digital and physical

games

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

some people support outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

are better than digital

games

Use synonyms

. I completely agree

Change preposition

with

show examples

this

Linking Words

idea. I think

outdoors

Change the word

outdoor

show examples

activities

Use synonyms

have the biggest role

Change preposition

show examples

growing

Add an article

the growing

show examples

process.

Moreover

Linking Words

, academic success

affects

Wrong verb form

is affected

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

it. I will mention all of these in

this

Linking Words

essay.

Games

Use synonyms

and

activities

Use synonyms

have

big

Add an article

a big

show examples

impact on children's growing process. A lot of

kids

Use synonyms

sleep

while

Linking Words

in the lessons of school.

This

Linking Words

is not only about sleeping but

also

Linking Words

games

Use synonyms

and

activities

Use synonyms

affect

Change preposition

apply

show examples

our children's focus zone.

As a result

Linking Words

, all of these change

Change preposition

apply

show examples

kids

Use synonyms

future

Fix the agreement mistake

futures

show examples

and their

happines

Correct your spelling

happiness

directly.

For example

Linking Words

, experts say "

Activities

Use synonyms

and

games

Use synonyms

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

can be healthy for

kids

Use synonyms

but

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

must be more physical and more social." Academic

succsess

Correct your spelling

success

is another result of computer

games

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

you play

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

video

games

Use synonyms

on the computer, Your brain

activate

Change the verb form

activates

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

dopamine

hormouns

Correct your spelling

hormones

hormone

. and when you do it again and again, it will be addiction

Change preposition

show examples

your brain. Video

Use synonyms

games'

Correct your spelling

games

show examples

characthers

Correct your spelling

characters

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

ranks and skills, and

this

Linking Words

also

Linking Words

same in the real life. İf you improve yourself in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real life you will be more happy. Rather

than

Change preposition

apply

show examples

kids

Use synonyms

choose

Add the particle

choose to

show examples

improve their

charachter

Correct your spelling

character

characters

games

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

Correct your spelling

easier

eassier

Correct your spelling

easier

than reality but it's not a big

Correct your spelling

achievement

achivement

Correct your spelling

achievement

In conclusion, I think outdoor

games

Use synonyms

Use synonyms athleticsfungamepastimeactionamusementballdisportdiversionexercise It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. have a really good quensecuences. İn contrast, digital

games

Use synonyms

are so

harmfull

Correct your spelling

harmful

for

Change preposition

show examples

our

lifes

Correct your spelling

lives

life

quality.

Submitted by türkoğluahmetonur on Thu Dec 26 2024

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task achievement

Your main ideas are clear, but consider providing more detailed examples to support your points. For instance, specific studies or statistics demonstrating the benefits of outdoor activities for children could strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Try to maintain a logical progression throughout the essay. Although you have structured introduction and conclusion, some paragraphs could have smoother transitions to enhance flow. Consider using linking words more effectively.

task achievement

Pay attention to the slight grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in some sentences. For example, rephrasing "This is not only about sleeping but also games and activities affect to our children's focus zone" can enhance clarity.

coherence cohesion

You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument nicely.

task achievement

The essay addresses the topic and clearly supports the idea of outdoor activities being important, which greatly contributes to task achievement.

task achievement

You've made an effort to provide examples and elaborate on the effects of both outdoor activities and computer games. This helps in making your essay engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

299 words

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Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Companies spend millions each year on advertising online, in magazines and on billboards. These adverts can encourage people to buy goods that they do not really need. What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism?

some people argue that the best way to reduce pollution and traffic jams from city centres is to make public transport free. do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that development of technology helps to reduce crime, whike others think that it encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.