IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Topic 01.It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?

#topic #crime #violence #media #reason #growth #rate #offer #situation
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There are some groups of people who think that the rise in
children
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's
crime
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 can be caused by violence in social media. I think the major reason for increased the
rate
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 of juvenile
crime
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 is poor
education
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, so the government should establish a large program to prevent these types of
crimes
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. The primary cause for a growth in the
rate
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 of young
crime
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 was poor
education
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 in school and
also
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 from parents. A lack of communication between parents and their
children
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in addition
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 to a few followed by parents can attributed to many problems like
violent
Replace the word
violence
show examples
 in society.
Moreover
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, a week of learning process in the school
also
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 it is
also
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 an important factor that could affect
children
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's personalities which makes it easy to
contributes
Wrong verb form
contribute
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 to
crimes
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.
For example
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, in 2010, a study conducted at King Abdulaziz University in Jeddah about the relation between the
rate
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 of
crimes
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 and lack of
education
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 the result showed that 50% of
crimes
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 in
children
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 are
due to
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 poor learning. To tackle these
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 government should implement a huge campaign for the community and programs for schools in order to avoid these types of
crimes
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. These campaigns will enhance public awareness regarding the importance of communication between family members which lead to a decrease in bad young habits.
Furthermore
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, establishing modern courses and subjects in school will improve
education
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 productivity which lead to a reduction in the
rate
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 of
crime
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.
For instance
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, a survey published in Makkah newspaper among the
rate
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 of
crimes
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 and the effect of campaigns,
as a result
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 of
this
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 study there is a significant impact of campaigns with a 25% decrease in
crimes
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. In conclusion, There are many factors that could increase juvenile
crime
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 attributed to violence in the media.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 government must involved in resolving
this
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 issue with
implementation
Add an article
the implementation
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 of good
campiagns
Correct your spelling
campaigns
 to improve public awareness and programs to develop the
education
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 process.
Submitted by khalidhxhd on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen topic sentences to improve clarity in each paragraph.
task achievement
Include more diverse examples to enhance the relevance of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clearer transitions between ideas to boost cohesion.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your ideas.
task achievement
You address the task prompt directly with relevant discussion points and suggestions.
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