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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table shows information about metro systems in six different cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows information about metro systems in six different cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #metro #systems #six #cities #summarise #features #comparisons
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The table provides data about
subway
Use synonyms
 systems in six different
cities
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
New
Correct article usage
the New
show examples
 York City
Subway
Use synonyms
 has the highest number of
lines
Use synonyms
 and total length. Other
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 that,
cities
Use synonyms
 in Asia have more annual
journey
Fix the agreement mistake
journeys
show examples
 than
cities
Use synonyms
 in other continents.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is interesting to note that the number of
lines
Use synonyms
 differs greatly across the
cities
Use synonyms
. New York City
Subway
Use synonyms
 has two times as much as those of London Tube, with 24 and 11
lines
Use synonyms
, respectively. Interestingly,
this
Linking Words
 amount of
lines
Use synonyms
 does not
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 connectivity to the total length.
For instance
Linking Words
, with 24
lines
Use synonyms
, New York has the highest total with 659 miles, but even
thoughLondon
Correct your spelling
though London
 Tube has the smallest number of
lines
Use synonyms
, the total length is the third biggest among other
cities
Use synonyms
. Looking more closely
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the annual journey, Beijing and Tokyo
Use synonyms
Subway
Fix the agreement mistake
Subways
show examples
also
Linking Words
 more dominating in running the systems. Those
cities
Use synonyms
 have 3.6
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 and 3.1
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 annual
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
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 with under 20
lines
Use synonyms
 active. The ticket fee for
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two
Use synonyms
subway
Fix the agreement mistake
subways
show examples
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 categorized as the cheapest cost, with 0.45 dollars and 1.64 dollars per single ticket.
Submitted by accttaa on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words subway, cities, lines with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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