IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people have been gradually far away from reading stories since they have access to a huge range of stories online in the form of video games or movies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#people #stories #access #range #form #video #games #movies
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Some
argues
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argue
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 that young
people
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 now
is
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are
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 not quite often
to
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apply
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read
stories
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comparing
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compared
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with
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to
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 earlier because of the vast access they have
in
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to
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another kind
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other kinds
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 of
stories
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online sources in
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form
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the form
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 of movies or video games. In
this
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 essay, I disagree with
this
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 statement and
would
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will
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 elaborate more on several arguments.
Firstly
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, the large access young
people
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has
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have
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 to
stories
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 is not affecting their reading behaviour.
Conversly
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Conversely
, I believe
this
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 condition drives young
people
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 to enjoy
stories
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 in a more
convinient
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convenient
way
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,
such
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 as reading a novel in an e-book
form
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.
While
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 the rise of
internet
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the internet
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give
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gives
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 another
form
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 of
stories
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 to appear, it does not affect the condition like a zero-sum for the conventional
way
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 of enjoying
stories
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.
For example
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, the appearance of Kindle by Amazon as a platform for e-books
give
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gives
show examples
 young
people
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 the
convinience
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convenience
 to read a book anywhere,
thus
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this
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convinience
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convenience
 is not leading to a diminishing number of young
people
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to read
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reading
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stories
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, looking
by
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at
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 the number of active users of
this
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 service.
Secondly
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, I argue that reading
stories
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 in
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the forms
show examples
forms
Fix the agreement mistake
form
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 of video games and movies is
also
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 could be considered as reading
stories
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. The purpose of consuming
stories
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 is to give you
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inspiration for your insight, and we could seek
this
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 through another
form
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 of
stories
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 in a much more exciting
way
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.
For instance
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, young
people
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is
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are
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 more interested in taking
stories
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 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
form
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 of
visual
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visuals
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 that video games and movies offer. In conclusion, I believe the increase
of
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in
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 access
for
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to
show examples
stories
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 in another
form
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 is not
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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a
Correct article usage
the
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way
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 for young
people
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 to consume
stories
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 less.
In
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On
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contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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, it is fostering the
bevahiour
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behaviour
 to consume
stories
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 by giving young
people
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 more options to enjoy
stories
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 in their
preferable
Correct word choice
preferred
show examples
 forms, whether in audio, visual, or text format.
Submitted by rhisaaidilla on

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response advice
Ensure that all parts of the task are directly addressed. Your essay should analyze both the decline in reading traditional stories and the impact of digital stories. Expand on how exactly digital media affects traditional reading habits.
coherence advice
Enhancing logical connectors between points will ensure smooth transitions. Consider using transitional phrases to link ideas and paragraphs more clearly.
evidence advice
Broaden the range of examples to support your argument better, such as specific ways in which video games or movies develop story interpretation skills.
introduction highlight
The introduction clearly states your position of disagreement with the initial statement.
conclusion highlight
The essay concludes effectively, reiterating the main argument that digital media is expanding rather than reducing story consumption.
content highlight
There is an acknowledgment that digital stories can also be a legitimate form of storytelling, offering a fresh perspective on the topic.
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