IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes Manu health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Ai

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #manu #health #people
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High sugar level in a number of drinking and eating
produce
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 is a common reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 problems
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes or obesity. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that increasing the price of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 can reduce their
selling
Replace the word
sales
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. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, because
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 can encourage
people
Use synonyms
take
Add the particle
to take
show examples
 up healthier habits and raise money for
health
Use synonyms
 programs. Making
products
Use synonyms
 which consist of sugar can make customers think twice before buying it. When the price goes up,
people
Use synonyms
 will stop buying these
products
Use synonyms
 or buy less.
For example
Linking Words
, when sugary drinks became more expensive in some countries, many
people
Use synonyms
 started drinking water or other healthier drinks
instead
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 shows that higher prices can change
people
Use synonyms
's choices.
In addition
Linking Words
, the extra money from higher prices can help governments improve public
health
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 money can be used to teach
people
Use synonyms
 about healthy eating or to make fruits and vegetables cheaper. If healthy food is more available ,
people
Use synonyms
 will have more options to choose from.
This
Linking Words
 will help them make better decisions for their
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, increasing the price of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 can reduce their consumption and improve public
health
Use synonyms
. Even though there are some problems, they can be solved by making healthier foods more affordable.
This
Linking Words
 plan is a good way to help
people
Use synonyms
 live healthier lives.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Expand on your points by providing more detailed explanations and examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay maintains a smooth progression of ideas with effective use of linking words and phrases.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and focused response to the task, addressing both the question and expressing a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized well with distinct introduction and conclusion sections, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the impact of higher prices on consumer choices in certain countries, adds valuable support to the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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