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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some peopel believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, umproving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger childern. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#peopel #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #childern
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A few people think that doing services for the community without getting paid for it should be a compulsory part of school activities.
For instance
Linking Words
 , cleaning the streets and beaches , helping poor individuals and donating to a charity.I would argue that I agree strongly
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 should contribute to these programmes. On the one
hand
Use synonyms
 ,
students
Use synonyms
 will learn how to help others and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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build a beautiful life by cooperating and getting
hand
Use synonyms
 in
hand
Use synonyms
 to save the world.
Also
Linking Words
 doing programmes at school will develop the communication skills of
students
Use synonyms
 on the grounds that they will work as a team so each of them has a qualification and they will learn from each other.
On the other
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hand
Use synonyms
 , nowadays
students
Use synonyms
 have a lot of free time so it is more beneficial to spend their time doing something good and helpful at the same time.
for example
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 ,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
various schools have done
this
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 idea recently and they have noticed that a large proportion of
students
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 got out of the study atmosphere and they are being more creative
to do
Change preposition
in doing
show examples
 many projects to help the environment from destroying.
To conclude
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 , it is crucial to force
students
Use synonyms
 to participate in these programmes at school because it is the key to developing the community.
Moreover
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, there is a big version in the future to change the world in a better way and get smart and attractive
students
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by fatmalfarsi09 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow and transition between paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to link your ideas effectively.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help in making your points more convincing.
Task Achievement
Make sure to clarify your ideas for better comprehension. Some sentences can be rephrased for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, with a clear thesis and summary.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task effectively, discussing relevant points.
Task Achievement
Your essay has a positive and persuasive tone, which is effective in conveying your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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