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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that students should focus on a few subjects, while others believe that students should study a wide range of subjects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #students #focus #subjects #study #range
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Many believe that schooling should focus only on certain areas.
While
Linking Words
 I think like others that education curriculum ought to contain
subjects
Use synonyms
’ diversity. On the one hand, many believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should learn
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
, Focusing more
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a particular
studying
Replace the word
study
show examples
 area. Because that will raise their learning abilities and give them the opportunity to study what they love.
Furthermore
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, it will be a viable solution for
students
Use synonyms
 who have shown interest in a particular
subject
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 to thrive in it.
Also
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 studying a
subject
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 in
school
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 and continuing studying the same
subject
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 at university will increase their learning capabilities.
For example
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,
Recent
Correct article usage
a Recent
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 study
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 shown that university
students
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 who have been studying the
seem
Correct your spelling
same
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
 since elementary
school
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 perform better than those who studied in general education establishments.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, more and more people argue that it's essential to cover more
subjects
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
. Because it's more beneficial for the
students
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 in their after-
school
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 life, as they will need a variety of skills to complete their journey.
In addition
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, the
school
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rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
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 must outrage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational purposes and try to give the
students
Use synonyms
 different types of tools to help them
to exceed
Verb problem
overcome
show examples
 any future obstacles.
For instance
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, general
school
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 graduates
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 more basic knowledge could help them to change their job in the future, rather than be related
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
 all
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 career.
To conclude
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, I believe that it is necessary to cover all the main
subjects
Use synonyms
 in
school
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 as it's better for the
students
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. Despite, the fact that focusing on specific
subjects
Use synonyms
 will increase the student knowledge levels on
this
Linking Words
subject
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ra5an-r on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all points are logically ordered and connected throughout the essay. Consider using clearer linking words or phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Although you have discussed both views, try to delve deeper into each argument. Adding more detailed analysis could strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Consider expanding your personal opinion with more specific examples to back up your argument.
task achievement
Both viewpoints were addressed in the essay, showing your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and a conclusion summarizing your opinion.
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