IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many school and universities, girls tend to choose arts and subjects (eg. languages) and boys choose science subjects (eg. Physics). What do you think are the reasons? Do you think that this tendency should be changed?

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In numerous educational institutes and
college
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colleges
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, young
girls
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 select fine art and thesis,
such
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 as
linguistic
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linguistics
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,
while
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 young boys opt for science-related topics,
such
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 as physics. There are several reasons behind
this
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 scenario and changes discussed with suitable
example
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examples
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 in ensuing paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, early education is the most important in everyone's life to develop.
Apart from
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this
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,
girls
Use synonyms
 have more creative ideas and new thinking with the range of art and lingo.
The most
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Most
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of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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role models have these abilities and that's why
girls
Use synonyms
 choose
these area
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this area
these areas
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 of
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
.
However
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, boys
have
Verb problem
are
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 more creative in technical skills
such
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 as science and technology.
Moreover
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, the number of males
are
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is
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 higher in working in various industries rather than females.
For instance
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, as per the
times
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Times
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 of India report, the proposition of having skills in science and maths
are
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is
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 very low
such
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 as 8% for females
to compare
Verb problem
compared
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 with males. On the other side, academic
institues
Correct your spelling
institutes
 and
non profit
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non-profit
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organisationsplay
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organisations play
 a vital role
to change
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in changing
show examples
this
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 situation for equality
to select
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in selecting
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 a career. In
this
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 contemporary era of technology, both sexes have
equal
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an equal
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 chance to select their area of
intrest
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interest
by
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on
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 own.
Furthermore
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, different fields have had their role models and it has to be inspirational for boys
as well as
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girls
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, the great
astronut
Correct your spelling
astronaut
astronauts
 whose name is Sunita Williams,
working
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works
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 with NASA on various projects in
USA
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the USA
show examples
.
To conclude
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, Parents' and teachers' attitudes and expectations can significantly influence the subjects children choose. Encouragement and support in non-traditional areas may be lacking.

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure of the essay. Some ideas are not entirely clear or logical, which makes it slightly difficult for the reader to follow.
task achievement
The essay lacks some relevant and specific examples that could strengthen the arguments. Try to include more data or examples to support the main points better.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task. You've discussed both reasons for the trend and ways to change this tendency.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, which helps in giving the essay a good structure.
task achievement
You have introduced some relevant and clear ideas about gender preferences in schools, which shows your understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender norms
  • Societal expectations
  • Role models
  • Representation
  • Perceived abilities
  • Unconscious bias
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)
  • Humanities
  • Confidence levels
  • Career prospects
  • Parental influence
  • Teacher guidance
  • Stereotypes
  • Encouragement
  • Educational choices
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