IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Students should be completely free to choose whether to study or play games. They should be allowed to manage their own time. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the
last
Linking Words
 decades, the
Use synonyms
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 behaviour has attracted in several ways and drawn the spotlight. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe parents should take care of their boys and girls and control how they behave,
while
Linking Words
 others think
students
Use synonyms
 do not have experience in their lives to manage their
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue both sides and provide my perspective. First of all, the student will lose their
time
Use synonyms
 by playing games and discussing with dangerous
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many parents struggle with their children and tell them to avoid playing PlayStation because they do not know who playing with them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, children have no experience in their lives which means they do not know where the best way for their future. To illustrate, if
student
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
 fails to manage their
time
Use synonyms
, that would be dangerous for the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 future.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is clear
students
Use synonyms
 will fail to choose a subject and
time
Use synonyms
 management.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
time
Use synonyms
 management, another factor that should be considered is the influence of social media. As far as
time
Use synonyms
 management is concerned, sometimes
students
Use synonyms
 choose the wrong way by watching uneducated
people
Use synonyms
 on apps on social media
such
Linking Words
 as X and Snapchat. Sultan (2020) argues that 65% of well-known
people
Use synonyms
 on social media do have not any university degrees and they are followed by many young boys which impacts their choices and behaviour. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay discussed that
students
Use synonyms
 do not have the experience to choose their future careers and some of them are influenced by uneducated
people
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 if student choose and lose their
time
Use synonyms
 , that has many advantages in the long term.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While you introduce both sides of the argument, ensure to have a clear position in your thesis statement and throughout your essay. This clarity will help in achieving a higher score for a complete task response.
task achievement
Some of your ideas seem general, like the mention of dangerous people. Try to provide more specific examples that clearly illustrate the point you are trying to make.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it, avoiding digression. This will make your argument more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which ensures that the reader understands your stance and summary.
task achievement
Good attempt at discussing both sides of the argument in the introduction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • self-discipline
  • prioritization
  • structured schedule
  • academic performance
  • educational opportunities
  • motivation
  • rigid timetable
  • engagement
  • parental guidance
  • institutional guidance
  • structured flexibility
  • educational objectives
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • traditional curricula
What to do next:
Look at other essays: