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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #population #three #countries #summarise #information #feature #comparisons
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The line graph given illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the
population
Use synonyms
 starting from the age of 65 and over from 1940 up
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2040 in three different countries,which are the
USA
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,
Sweden
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,and
Japan
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,the
USA
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 started being the
country
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 with the highest
proportation
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 aged 65 and above
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but will end
being
Change preposition
up being
show examples
 the lowest.
Wheras
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Whereas
,
Japan
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 was the
country
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 with the lowest
percentage
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 of
population
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,it kept on decreasing, and stayed constant;
however
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 will rapidly
increase
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, which will make
Japan
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 the
country
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 with the highest proportion of
population
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Sweden
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 was in between the two countries in 1940,and it will end the same way,but being higher than
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 in 2040. In 1940, the
percentage
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 of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Sweden
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 were
approximetly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 9% and more than 5% respectively.Both rates increased throughout the period.
However
Linking Words
,
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Sweden
Change noun form
Sweden's
show examples
 rate increased
sharpily
Correct your spelling
sharply
 exceeding the
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USA
Change noun form
USA's
show examples
 in 1990.The
population
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percentage
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 in
Sweden
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 continued to
increase
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 rapidly up until 2010,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it started to fluctuate reaching 20%,but
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 it decreased;yet,it will start to
increase
Use synonyms
 reaching 25% in 2040.
While
Linking Words
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 started having the highest proportion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and increased to
having
Change the form of the verb
have
show examples
 15% in 1980 but
then
Linking Words
 it
experinced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a decline,and remained
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
 a stable
percentage
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 between 1990 and 2020,and
then
Linking Words
 started to shortly
increase
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;yet,the
Use synonyms
Usa
Correct your spelling
US
 will have the lowest rate in 2040.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Japan
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 was the
country
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 with the lowest
percentage
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 (5%) in 1940 and
experinced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a decline up until 1960.
Japan
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then
Linking Words
 experienced a steady rate with less than 5% of the
population
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
aged 65 and above between 1960 and 1990.
However
Linking Words
,
Japan
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 experienced a rapid growth up until 2030. Where
then
Linking Words
 it will experience a large growth and will end up being the
country
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 with the highest
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 in 2040.
Submitted by muneeraalnoaimi07 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, population, usa, sweden, japan, country, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 3 times.
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