IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is the job of governments and companies is to deal with the huge environmental problems which we face. Individuals on their own can do little or nothing. What is your opinion about this statement?

#job #governments #companies #face #individuals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there are huge environmental problems which are related to our society, which generate more problems year on year. The government and
companies
Use synonyms
 should be in charge of
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 and
implement
Wrong verb form
implementing
show examples
 solutions related to the
environment
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they have more impact than one person. On one hand,
companies
Use synonyms
 should be in charge of implementing sustainable
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
show examples
 in the cycle of creating their products. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, it should focus on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decreasing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the consumption of water and energy, the number of resources wasted in the process and decreasing the generation of CO2 in the atmosphere.
Therefore
Linking Words
, those aspects could generate a higher impact on the
environment
Use synonyms
 than only a single individual in their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the governments have
also
Linking Words
 an important influence, because they are in charge
to create
Change preposition
of creating
show examples
 and
regulate
Wrong verb form
regulating
show examples
 laws related to the
environment
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, create
news
Correct your spelling
new
show examples
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 related to
protect
Change the verb form
protecting
show examples
 animals
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 risk of extinction, inspect
companies
Use synonyms
 which are wasting water or contaminating sources of water and make mandatory subjects in schools about the importance of recycling. Indeed, those actions could protect the
environment
Use synonyms
 without affect negatively the industry or
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives. In conclusion, the
environment
Use synonyms
 has big risks which
involves
Change the verb form
involve
show examples
 our society and quality of life. Even though, it has many
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 causes, the amount of CO2 that a company produce each year is not comparable to
only
Correct pronoun usage
what only
show examples
 one individual could generate in their car. Because of that, it is mandatory the active participation and
colaboration
Correct your spelling
collaboration
 between the government and
companies
Use synonyms
 to implement solutions,
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
 the people are only the final step of a large cycle.
Submitted by mabetancurgu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on enhancing sentence structures and grammar to express ideas more clearly. Slight improvements in clarity will elevate your task response quality.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between ideas. This will further strengthen the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear and appropriate introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the impact of companies in reducing CO2, which strengthen the task response.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are well-supported, illustrating why governments and companies have significant responsibilities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: