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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie chart gives information about the proportion of
time
Use synonyms
 working adults spent on several activities in one country in 1958 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most popular activity spending for adults was working,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest was in other interests or playing sports and going out with friends
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. In 1958, people spent 33% of
Use synonyms
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 working and
increased
Correct pronoun usage
this increased
show examples
 to 42% in 2008, the highest among all categories.
While
Linking Words
 sleeping was the second most popular activity in 1958 by 32%,
this
Linking Words
 figure dropped to 25% in 2008. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
relaxing at home,
this
Linking Words
 proportion stood at 8%
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the period, before rose slightly to 13% in 2008.
Similarly
Linking Words
, people who spent their
time
Use synonyms
 going out with friends or family started by 19% in 1958,
then
Linking Words
 declined to
doubled
Change the form of the verb
double
show examples
 in 2008.
However
Linking Words
, the number of people who spent
time
Use synonyms
 doing other interests or playing sports, and
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 to work was witnessed as the least
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 activity among all categories.
Submitted by caroot on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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