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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The worldwide population of children aged 15 and younger is rising. What are the current and future advantages and disadvantages for countries with this kind of growth?

#population #children #future #countries #growth
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The number of young
people
Use synonyms
 around the world who are 15 years old or less is constantly growing.
This
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 essay will discuss several advantages and disadvantages of the phenomenon and provide a logical conclusion. The main pluses of the rising number of children
this
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 age are the
growth
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 of
quantity
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the quantity
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 of
people
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 who are able to work and the increase
of
Change preposition
in
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population
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. First of all, when teenagers are old enough
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work, they will perform their jobs more efficiently than oldsters.
Moreover
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, they are usually more motivated to work as they want to become successful and achieve a lot.
Thus
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,
this
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 group of
people
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 will be very impactful
for
Change preposition
on
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economic
Correct article usage
the economic
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growth
Use synonyms
 of countries. What is more, it is obvious that youngsters will more likely become parents
hence
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 the
population
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 will rise, which is indispensable for
development
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the development
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 of a government.
However
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, some minuses
also
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 should be taken into consideration.
Firstly
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, the governmental expenditures on education are rising dramatically
due to
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this
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 upward trend.
Consequently
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, countries end up spending a lot of money on
this
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 sector.
Secondly
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, teenagers are often involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 crimes.
Due to
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this
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 fact, if the number of young
people
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 grows, the quality of life will decline because of the dangerous individuals and criminal groups.
Nevertheless
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, all
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 on youngsters
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 very profitable.
In addition
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, it is an essential duty of
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 to provide a good quality of life and safety for all citizens.
To sum up
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,
although
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 there are some disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
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 the
growth
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 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
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population
Use synonyms
,
this
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 segment plays a great role in
development
Add an article
the development
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 of
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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the world.
Furthermore
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, the contribution of youngsters to
economy
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the economy
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 and
population
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growth
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 is undeniable. I believe that the advantages of
this
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 increase
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 its drawbacks.
Submitted by georgyzhelezov on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This could help clarify the main ideas and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that the ideas are explained in a comprehensive manner to aid understanding.
coherence cohesion
Try to increase the logical flow between paragraphs. This will help create a more coherent argument throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both advantages and disadvantages of increasing children population.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, framing the essay well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Demographic Dividend
  • 2. Dependency Ratio
  • 3. Workforce
  • 4. Economic Growth
  • 5. Innovation
  • 6. Sustainable Development
  • 7. Social Services
  • 8. Natural Resources
  • 9. Healthcare Systems
  • 10. Education Systems
  • 11. Employment Challenges
  • 12. Environmental Conservation
  • 13. Public Infrastructure
  • 14. Social Unrest
  • 15. Technological Progress
  • 16. Cultural Vibrancy
  • 17. Investment
  • 18. Resource Scarcity
  • 19. Effective Governance
  • 20. Social Stability
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