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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
#levels #post-school #qualifications #australia #proportion #men #women
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The chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the
differentiates
Replace the word
different
show examples
 stage of post-school
qualification
Use synonyms
 in Australia and the percentage of girls and boys who held them in 1999.
Although
Linking Words
, the
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
qualification
Use synonyms
 in skilled vocational
diploma
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 10%. Meanwhile,the
qualification
Use synonyms
 of females
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
undergraduate
Correct article usage
an undergraduate
show examples
diploma
Use synonyms
 is 70%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
qualification
Use synonyms
 of girls
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
bachelor's
Correct article usage
a bachelor's
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 50%.
However
Linking Words
, the
qualification
Use synonyms
 of women in postgraduate
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 30%.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
qualification
Use synonyms
 of females in master's
degree
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 40%.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, the
qualification
Use synonyms
 of men in skilled vocational
diploma
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 90%
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is huge.
However
Linking Words
, the
qualification
Use synonyms
 of males
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
undergraduate
Correct article usage
an undergraduate
show examples
diploma
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
35%.
Correct your spelling
35 %.furthermore
furthermore
Linking Words
, the
qualification
Use synonyms
 of boys
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
bachelor's
Correct article usage
a bachelor's
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 45%.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
qualification
Use synonyms
 of boys in postgraduate
diploma
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 30%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
qualification
Use synonyms
 of men
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 master's
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 were 40%. In conclusion, the chart bar shows the ratio of males and females who held different levels of post-school qualifications in 1999.
Submitted by nidarif855 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words qualification, diploma, degree with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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