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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in additional to their main subjects.Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #time #attention #qualification
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Some undergraduates want to learn additional
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 to their main major,
whereas
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 others believe that it is more important to give their full attention and time to studying for a qualification. On the
on
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one
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 hand, there are several benefits of studying only their major.
Firstly
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,
undergraduate
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the undergraduate
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 will give more attention and
focus
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 to their major. If
people
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will
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apply
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study
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 only their major they will
focus
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 on their
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 and in the future they will have more
chance
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chances
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 to be successful,
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however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 if students
will
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apply
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study
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 additional
subjects
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 to their education, they will learn their main
subject
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 poorly. Statistics
showed
Wrong verb form
show
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 that, if
people
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 will
focus
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 on their main
subject
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, they will have more chance to be successful in their
subject
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, rather than
people
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 who
study
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 additional
subjects
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 to their major.
For
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example
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example,
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 doctors do not have to
study
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 mathematics, because they do not need
this
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subject
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.
Furthermore
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, if undergraduates will
focus
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 on their main
study
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, they will be specialists
of
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in
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this
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 major.
On the other hand
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, there are some benefits of learning additional
subjects
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.
Firstly
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, additional
subjects
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 may help
people
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 in their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. If
people
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will
Verb problem
apply
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learn additional
subjects
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 to their main major, it will not interfere with
life
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,
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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subjects
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 may help them in their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 physics is
needs
Wrong verb form
needed
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 everywhere and
people
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 can use physics in their daily
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, and without
physics
Add a comma
physics,
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 our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 would not be digital. In conclusion, in my point of view, students should
focus
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 on their main major, but additional skills and
subjects
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 may help them in daily
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear main point, and provide adequate support and examples for each idea. This will enhance the coherence and the reader’s understanding.
task achievement
Try to provide a balanced discussion by expanding on both points of view with equal detail, such as adding more detail to how additional subjects might benefit students in their careers.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion clearly summarizes the main points discussed in the essay and reiterates your opinion with a compelling statement.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the topic, which is a key requirement for this task.
task achievement
The writer expresses a personal opinion in the conclusion, indicating engagement with the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, which helps organize the response and guides the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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