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Band 5.5

The line graph gives information about the proportion of students from age 18 to 25 years old in universities in four various areas (Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand) from 1961 to 2011.

The line graph gives information about the proportion of students from age 18 to 25 years old in universities in four various areas (Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand) from 1961 to 2011.
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The line graph given illustrates the
percentage
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 of
university
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students
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 aged 18 to 25 years old in Singapore,
Malaysia
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,Philippines,and
Thailand
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 between 1961 and 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Thailand
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 ended up having the highest
percentage
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 of
university
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students
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 from the age of 18 to 25 in 2011.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Malaysia
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 had the
leaset
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least
proportion
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 of
university
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students
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
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the Philippines
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Philippines
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Philippine's
Philippines'
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percentage
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 kept on increasing from 1961 to 2011,and
Singapore
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Singapore's
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proportion
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 of
students
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 kept on fluctuating throughout the period making it the second area with the highest
percentage
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 of
students
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 out of the four areas. In 1961,
Thailand
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 had
approximatly
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approximately
 25% of
students
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, and experienced a fall of 5% up until 1991
where
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when
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 it reached 20% of
students
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.
Hovever
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However
,
Thailand
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then
Linking Words
 experienced an upward trend making
Thailand
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having
Wrong verb form
have
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 the highest
percentage
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 of
students
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 in 2011, where it ended
having
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up having
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 slightly more than 40%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Malaysia
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 consistently maintained the lowest
percentage
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 of
universtiy
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university
students
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where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it
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apply
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started
Wrong verb form
starting
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 having
approximetly
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approximately
 2% and exceeded
Correct article usage
the Phillippines
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Phillippines
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Phillippine's
Phillippines'
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proportion
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 of
university
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students
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 in
approximatly
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approximately
 1965
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it reached 10%.
However
Linking Words
, in 1991 Philippines was able to exceed
Thailand
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 as they experienced a steady growth in the
percentage
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 where
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
approximatly
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approximately
reached
Verb problem
apply
show examples
20% in 2011.
While
Linking Words
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malaysia
Change the capitalization
Malaysia
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 ended up having 15% in 2011 making it. having the lowest enrollment rates.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Singapore experienced fluctuations with no clear trend. Where they started having 15% in 1961
,
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apply
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 and experienced a rise reaching 30% in 1971.
However
Linking Words
,they experienced a downward trend
by
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of
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 5% in 1981, and
then
Linking Words
 experienced an increase in 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 reaching 35% of
university
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students
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 in 1991,but
then
Linking Words
 experienced a decrease in the
proportion
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 until 2011 and
then
Linking Words
 experienced an increase in the number of
university
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students
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 reaching 40% in 2011.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, university, students, malaysia, thailand, proportion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • enrollment rates
  • demographic
  • tertiary education
  • fluctuations
  • incremental rise
  • decline
  • plateau
  • significant surge
  • economic indicators
  • educational reform
  • policy implementation
  • socioeconomic factors
  • projected growth
  • benchmarking
  • statistical analysis
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