IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people would that govermant should ban smoking in all public areas, even though this would affect some other people's freedoms.

In contemporary world,
cigarette
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 consumption is increasing
day
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 by
day
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. Some individuals think that authorities should ban smoking in all public areas, even though
this
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 would affect some other people's freedoms. I strongly agree
this
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 idea since there are a lot of harmful effects of smoking to human health and the environment.
Firstly
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 there is no doubt smoking has overwhelming harmful and unknown effects to human body. In the
last
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 decade the research has showing that there are significant link between
cigarette
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 consume and cancer disease.
For instance
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 the people who are smoking regularly in their life have a high potential to get cancer
then
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 non-smoking persons.
Furthermore
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 there are a lot of toxic compounds in
cigarette
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 smoke and most of these particles are responsible for DNA damage.
In addition
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this
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 impact may encourage to different type of disease.
Secondly
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cigarette
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 smoke have a lot of impact to environment.
for example
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, when
cigarette
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 burning, carbon dioxide appears which is the most dangerous and common gas.
Additionally
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this
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 gas is a key factor of climate change and World warming.
As a result
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 of
this
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 consequence our ecosystem getting irreversible damage
day
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 by
day
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. In conclusion, in these days, unfortunately smoking trend is rising sharply. Noticeable number of people think government should ban smoking all public place,
although
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this
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 may restrict some other individuals Liberty. I totally agree
this
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 claim, since smoking have crucial impact to human health and environment .

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coherence cohesion
Try to strengthen the link between main ideas and their supporting examples. For instance, explain more about the impacts of climate change due to smoking emissions and connect it to why a ban in public spaces would be beneficial.
task achievement
Ensure to address potential counterarguments in order to present a more balanced view. For example, consider discussing the implications for personal freedoms in-depth.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents both the topic and your stance, making it easy for the reader to understand the essay’s focus.
supported main points
You effectively highlight the health and environmental impacts of smoking, aligning these points effectively with your stance on a public ban.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the overall argument and effectively restates your position on the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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