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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals (copper, nickel, and zinc) during 2014.

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals (copper, nickel, and zinc) during 2014.
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The illustration provides data on the average monthly impact of
copper
Use synonyms
,
nickel
Use synonyms
, and
zinc
Use synonyms
 in the year 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, the image shows three metals grown and down for one year: gold,
nickel
Use synonyms
, and
zinc
Use synonyms
.
Nickel
Use synonyms
 was affected a lot from January to December. In the beginning,
nickel
Use synonyms
 grew up to six ratios,
then
Linking Words
last
Linking Words
 date rather than
copper
Use synonyms
 and
zinc
Use synonyms
 are
two
Use synonyms
 and one bonus. In the date of March, all metal's amount decreased
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 before
month
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
month
Use synonyms
 of June
price
Use synonyms
 was down a lot, and it was a massive down from any other
month
Use synonyms
. But in November, all metal
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 increased and familiar to the beginning
month
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
Linking Words
 of the
month
Use synonyms
 of December,
copper
Use synonyms
 grew up to
two
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, and
zinc
Use synonyms
 are same as
copper
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nickel
Use synonyms
 in January started at six
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, but
last
Linking Words
two
Use synonyms
 months
decreasing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and in June the
price
Use synonyms
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 to -3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, in October, the
price
Use synonyms
 of
nickel
Use synonyms
 was down -1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, from October,
nickel
Use synonyms
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 for
two
Use synonyms
 months
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 are the same at one
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words copper, nickel, zinc, two, month, price, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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