In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Many
people
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forecast that
cash
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may no longer be used to pay when
people
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buy
things
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from shops, and buyers might all use online banking or credit cards to pay for what they buy. I believe that it will be a must with the rapid development of technology, and I think that some
people
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may feel disappointed with
this
Linking Words
trend because of
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain personal reasons. There is no doubt that a lot of fields in human life have changed unbelievably with the rapid change of technology, especially in daily activities
such
Linking Words
as buying
things
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and
doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
Use synonyms
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
. About 3 decades ago,
people
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all had to go to shops to buy what they wanted and
paid
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
cash
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for the
things
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they loved, nobody had any
ideas
Fix the agreement mistake
idea
show examples
about internet banking or paying by online
apps
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. But with the development of the internet and smart devices, more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
consumers
Change preposition
of consumers
show examples
nowadays can go shopping online and
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
online
Use synonyms
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
easily and quickly.
For instance
Linking Words
, 20 years ago, very few
people
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in HCMC knew how to use
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
banking or
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
Use synonyms
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
by online
apps
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, but in the present time, nearly 70% of adults in HCMC are using online
apps
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to buy
things
Use synonyms
or
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
payments. So, with
this
Linking Words
trend, after 2 or 3 decades, about 90% of citizens in cities will do all their buying and
payment
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by smart devices only.
However
Linking Words
, I am
also
Linking Words
convinced that there will be some
people
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who feel unsatisfied not using
cash
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. These
people
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might be elderly since they do not have enough knowledge and find it hard to learn about new technologies.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they might feel safer using
cash
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because of
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
that using online
apps
Use synonyms
to buy
things
Use synonyms
or to
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
Use synonyms
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
without enough knowledge could be dangerous, and they might be victims of online hackers. It is evident that more than 50% of old
people
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who are 50 or above admit that they are afraid of doing online banking or doing
payment
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by
apps
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since they
are worry
Change the verb form
are worried
show examples
that they can lose all their savings. In conclusion, I am convinced that most
people
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will use online payments in the near future when they buy
things
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, but the elderly might feel unhappy with that and still prefer paying by
cash
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since that makes them feel safer.
Submitted by hoangdaosales on

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development
Consider including more diverse perspectives to deepen the discussion.
coherence
Add transitional phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs.
lexical resource
Use more precise language to enhance clarity.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively present and summarize the argument.
examples
Good use of specific examples, such as the mention of changes in HCMC over the years.
development
The argument is well-developed, with logical reasoning supporting each main point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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