IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say though indusial growth is necessary to solve poverty, but some other people orgue that industrial growth is cooling environmental problems and it should be stopped. Discuss both views ond, give your opinion.

#people #growth #poverty #orgue #ond
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The industrial
Correct article usage
Industrial
show examples
 growth is
unstopable
Correct your spelling
unstoppable
 in our age. So I think,
this
Linking Words
 accession is necessary, because our
life
Use synonyms
built
Add a missing verb
is built
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 around
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrial manufactures. Poverty is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important problem, the factories give some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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of
Change preposition
to
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 it.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 it
afford
Change the verb form
affords
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 a lot of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 for people, but
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 other side, the
automaticly
Correct your spelling
automatically
automatic
 factor works by machines, not by
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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.
This
Linking Words
produce
Replace the word
production
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 system
is makes
Change the verb form
makes
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 faster our
life
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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cause
Change the verb form
causes
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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quick changes
of
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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values, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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normal
peoples
Change to a genitive case
people's
peoples'
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payment
Replace the word
pay
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 is not enough to keep the general
life
Use synonyms
 standards, so
the
Correct article usage
apply
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industrial growth
is makes
Change the verb form
is made
is making
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 poverty. Factories
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
Correct article usage
an effects
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effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
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 of the
environmental
Replace the word
environment
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because these
polluted
Wrong verb form
pollute
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 the air, the rivers, the animals and the soil as well.
This
Linking Words
 pollution is
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
 for all of us, not just the
wild
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. My opinion is, we can find a solution
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
able
Add a missing verb
is able
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 to help the environment
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 the factories, but we need a lot of clever people,
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 want to help, not just make money for our
selfs
Correct your spelling
selves
show examples
.
Submitted by docents.steal_0z on

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structure
The essay addresses both sides of the argument but lacks a clear structure. Ensure you have a clear introduction that outlines the issue and your stance, followed by structured paragraphs discussing each viewpoint with a conclusion that summarizes your opinion.
organization
Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
clarity
To improve clarity, use transition words and phrases such as "on one hand," "on the other hand," "furthermore," and "however." These transitions help in clearly linking different ideas and arguments.
support
The essay lacks specific examples to support the arguments made. For example, mention actual environmental problems caused by factories or specific jobs created through industrial growth. Concrete examples strengthen your argument.
language
Pay attention to word choice and grammar, as some parts of the essay have errors that might confuse the reader. For instance, "factories give some solution of it" should be "factories offer some solutions to it."
relevance
The essay successfully addresses the task by discussing both industrial growth's impact on poverty and the environment, indicating an understanding of the topic.
insightful approach
Your writing shows a genuine concern for finding a balance between industrial progress and environmental preservation, which is a thoughtful approach to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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