You exercise regularly and have been a member of many different gyms. Recently, you moved into a new neighborhood and joined a new gym. You have noticed that people at this gym do not bother to wipe down the machines after use and often leave dirty towels on the benches in the change rooms. Write to Mr Koto, the manager. In your letter: •explain who you are •describe the problem exactly •make suggestions to improve the gym

#exercise #member #gyms #neighborhood #gym #people #machines #towels #benches #change #rooms #mr #koto #manager #•explain #•describe #•make #suggestions

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Dear Sir I am Gurbakhshish Singh. I just joined your

gym

Use synonyms

last

Linking Words

week. I joined your

Gym

Use synonyms

because it is

Change preposition

within

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

walking distance from my home.

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

I am a part of

other

Change the wording

another gym

other gyms

show examples

gym

Use synonyms

as well. When

this

Linking Words

morning I visited your

gym

Use synonyms

for exercise

then

Linking Words

notice

Wrong verb form

noticed

show examples

lots of things that I

want

Wrong verb form

wanted

show examples

to discuss with You.

Initially

Linking Words

, when I reached there

then

Linking Words

I noticed that there were lots of

person

Change to a plural noun

people

show examples

who were doing exercise on machines and after using one machine nobody was wiping the machines with tissues or with any kind of

sanitizer

Change the spelling

sanitiser

show examples

. Moving

further

Linking Words

, I

also

Linking Words

noticed that after using the

towles

Correct your spelling

towels

some masses left their towels on

benches

Correct article usage

the benches

show examples

. To specify

this

Linking Words

, sir

Linking Words

due to

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

all

activities

Correct determiner usage

these activities

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

could

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

lead to some problems

such

Linking Words

as infection and so on.

Linking Words

Further more

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

show examples

, I want to request you

thta

Correct your spelling

that

you should look

towrads

Correct your spelling

towards

these problems. I want to suggest

you

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

that near every machine you should hang

sanitizer

Change the spelling

sanitiser

show examples

machines and wipes. To add to

this

Linking Words

, these things are not expensive but

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can

saves

Change the verb form

save

show examples

lots of

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

from any kind of

infenctions

Correct your spelling

infections

infection

. Thank You Yours Faithfully Gurbakhshish Singh 3Jan2025

Submitted by hoenytoor on Sat Jan 04 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

Consider organizing the letter into clear paragraphs. Separate the introduction, the problem description, and the suggestions for improvement into distinct sections.

Task Achievement

Include more specifics about how these issues affect you personally, to reinforce the suggestions you're making.

Coherence and Cohesion

The letter has a clear greeting and sign-off, making it polite and appropriately formal.

Task Achievement

The letter clearly identifies the problem of hygiene in the gym, with specific examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

194 words

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