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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The two graphs below show the average hours of daily sunshine and temperature throughout the year in two cities in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two graphs below show the average hours of daily sunshine and temperature throughout the year in two cities in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #graphs #show #hours #sunshine #temperature #year #cities #australia #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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These line
grapes
Correct your spelling
graphs
show examples
 illustrate the average
Use synonyms
houres
Correct your spelling
hours
show examples
 of daily
sunshine
Use synonyms
 and
temperature
Use synonyms
 all over the
year
Use synonyms
 in the two different
cities
Use synonyms
 which are
Use synonyms
melborne
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
 and Darwin
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
temperature
Add an article
the temperature
show examples
 of both
cities
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 increasing begging of the
year
Use synonyms
 but it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped mid of the
year
Use synonyms
. The average
Use synonyms
houres
Correct your spelling
hours
show examples
 of
sunshine
Use synonyms
 dramatically changed in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
cities
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the data,
intially
Correct your spelling
initially
temperature
Use synonyms
 of Drawin notably
increassing
Correct your spelling
increased
 and it
peached
Correct your spelling
reached
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peack 27
temperature
Use synonyms
 in August
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
melborne
Change the capitalization
Melborne
show examples
also
Linking Words
 increased which was the highest
temperature
Use synonyms
15
Change preposition
of 15
show examples
 in
7th
Correct article usage
the 7th
show examples
month
Use synonyms
 of the
year
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, both
cities
Use synonyms
sharp
Change the word
sharply
show examples
 declined
Use synonyms
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
 mid of
the
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
year
Use synonyms
. average
Use synonyms
houres
Correct your spelling
hours
show examples
 of
sunshine
Use synonyms
 in
derwin
Change the capitalization
Derwin
show examples
 begging of the
year
Use synonyms
 got higher but six
Use synonyms
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
 to ten
Use synonyms
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
 remain constant average
20
Change preposition
of 20
show examples
 hours
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
melborne
Change the capitalization
Melborne
show examples
 city
also
Linking Words
platued
Correct your spelling
plagued
plateaued
 hours
Change preposition
from may
show examples
may
Capitalize the word
May
show examples
 to
november
Change the capitalization
November
show examples
sunshine
Use synonyms
 average
Use synonyms
houres
Correct your spelling
hours
show examples
. After
november
Change the capitalization
November
show examples
 it was increased
20
Change preposition
to 20
show examples
 hours per
month
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
melborne
Change the capitalization
Melborne
show examples
.
Submitted by sihansinethushalani on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words houres, sunshine, temperature, year, cities, melborne, month with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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