IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

‏In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time jobs while they are still in school. Do the advantages of teens working outweigh the disadvantages? has more advantages than disadvantage advantages : enhance communication skills, get connected with the community help their parents financially, gain experience which help them to get a better employment in the future. fulfill their daily needs by themselves disadvantage: sometimes distract from their studies, greedy nature

#‏in #places #teenagers #jobs #school #teens #communication #skills #community #parents #gain #employment #future #studies #nature
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In recent years, in some places, it is essential for
teenagers
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 to get part-time jobs during their academics.
As well as
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,
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 are more encouraged to involve their self in
work
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 and study.
This
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 trend has more good outcomes rather than
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
drawbacks. I will discuss both merits and demerits with the relevant examples in the following essay. First and foremost, with the help of part-time
work
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,
teenagers
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 get connected with the community, which can help them to enhance their communication skills.
Besides
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this
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, they can
also
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fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their daily needs by themselves
due to
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 the short-term job.
For instance
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,
according to
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 study by the University of Waterloo, 75% of
students
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 are helping their parents by paying their own
tution
Correct your spelling
tuition
 fees because of
the
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apply
show examples
temporary
work
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.
Moreover
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,
students
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are having
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have
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 a major benefit for employment by part-time jobs
while
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 they are in
the
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apply
show examples
school. To elaborate more,
teenagers
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 can advance their resumes by using
experience
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their experience
show examples
 of
work
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,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they did throughout their school education.
As a result
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, it would be beneficial for them in the future
while
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 searching for
a
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apply
show examples
better employment.
For example
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,
currenlty
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currently
, most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies are recruiting
those
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apply
show examples
students
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 for placements, who have past experience during
their
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apply
show examples
high
schools
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school
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.
On the other hand
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, we can not ignore that sometimes
teenagers
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 get
distract
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distracted
show examples
 from their studies when they have a
streeful
Correct your spelling
stressful
 environment at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
, which leads to poor performance in their exams. Apart from that, sometimes they
also
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 become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greedy
due to
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self earning
Add a hyphen
self-earning
show examples
.
To conclude
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, it is vital for
students
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 to be
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
encouraged to
purse
Correct your spelling
pursue
show examples
 employment alongside with their education.
However
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, they
also
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 have to
focused
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focus
show examples
 properly
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their future goals
instead
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 of engaging in
the
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apply
show examples
activities, which are not beneficial for them.
Submitted by ruchin27 on

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task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, as the essay seems to focus more on the pros of part-time jobs.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas more seamlessly between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the ideas, such as the study from the University of Waterloo.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, clearly stating the position and summarizing the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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